I have been with my boyfriend for two years and two months. He is my first real relationship and also the most confusing. We have had our ups and down and our own share of drama. There has been phyco ex girlfriends to deal with and bad habits he came with. In time I have found out how much emotional baggage he has been storing away for years. Even with all that he has been there when I have been stuck and needed a friend, he has had my back when I needed him. Even though he makes me smile and he knows what makes me laugh a relationship should be equal. No one should feel like they are weighted down with all the issues. Sometimes there are those times when one or the other needs a sholder to lean on. There is nothing wrong with helping each other out and being there for each other. But it is not right to take advantage of that it is not ok to make one person in the relationship a permanent crutch.
I am afraid that is what I have become in my relationship. I am the crutch, and I don't like it. I woke up today and I still had a fever, (I got sick this weekend) I felt like my body got hit all over with paintballs. My shoulders and neck hurt when I blinked. I could not stay in bed because if I did the puppy would not get fed, and would do his business all over the apartment. It pissed me off to see my boyfriend passed out with not a worry in the world. He knew I was sick, he knew I was feeling like crap. I wish he would have said, Wait baby, I got it. Stay in bed I'll feed the puppy. You want some breakfast baby?....but instead he said.
"Babe can you make me some eggs and bacon?" I did not even answer him. I felt like crying, I just took care of Chulo then went and curled up in the living room couch. I stayed there for a little while until I had to get up to get ready for a meeting for work. While I was getting ready I realized that the kitchen needed to be cleaned, and there was a mountain of dishes that needed to be done. The living room was not to bad so I picked it up and straightened it a little. I thought maybe I could barter with my boyfriend. I asked him very sweetly if I made him breakfast could he please help me with the dishes and the kitchen. I let him know how sick I still felt and that I had to go to my meeting. I also let him know that he was going to have to watch Chulo to make sure he did not go on the carpet while I was away. So he said,
"yeah baby, I can do that. I love you. Your the best."
I looked at him and told him that he did not have to do all that. Words are cheap, actions speak louder than words. I just wanted him to do what I had asked without me having to ask him. I know that wont hapen so I was just hoping that he would do it when I did ask him, plus I was sick. I left for my meeting came back, and he was siting infront of the tv on chair in the middle of the living room playin X-Box. I looked over to the kitchen and everything was still where I had left it. The puppy pissed in the hallway and he had not even noticed. I felt so angry, I wanted to throw something at him. Not just anything though, I wanted to throw something heavy and I hoped it would hit him on the head. I must sound like an evil girl, but I really do hate when I feel that way, I do not like having those kind of thoughts. I just felt lied to and used. I made him breakfast eventhough I felt like crap. He was just supposed to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen a little.
Instead his lazy ass was sittin there playing video games with a grin from ear to ear. He looked like he was having the time of his life. He turned aroudn and looked at me and said,
"I'm about to do it baby, I'm about to do it. Just let me get this win, yeeeeahhh baby, I'm on a roll."
He smiled at me like he had not done nothing wrong and blew me a kiss. Ugghhhhh..... I felt soooo pissed off. I just started on the dishes and the kitchen myself. I could not sit and wait around for him to do it. He playes video games until four in the morning!! I know I am not a supermodel but I am not ugly. I am a beautiful young woman and I have needs. I want to be touched and cuddled and kissed. I want to feel my man next to me when I fall asleep. But intead my boyfriend is in the living room playing X-Box Live against probably some 11 year old that was up waaaay past his bed time. I dont understand!!! I found this little article on www.mirror.co.uk that talks about men and video games. It says that a third of men prefer video games to having sex! What the hell is wrong with these guys, and is my guy one of them??? I cant believe it, he just does not fit what I believe the description of one of those men would be. He aint fine but he aint ugly either, I mean I wanna get in bed with him and play...you know what I mean? The article also says that when it comes to playing a new game two thirds of men would choose video games intead of sex. Its just crazzy to me. If anyone is reading this, let me know what you think. I would love to hear from other frustrated girlfriends.
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